Minnesota Vikings Shanked The Kluwe Report Non-Release

The Minnesota Vikings are never exactly shining examples of good PR. We could down the list and there would be a lot of things that the Vikings didn’t really have a lot of control over.  For instance, Love Boat was a bad incident, buy boys will be boys and there was nothing the higher ups at Winter Park really could do. That’s not the case in the latest controversy that is brewing in Eden Prairie.

In January, ex-Vikings punter Chris Kluwe released a diary-like post to Deadspin describing what was seen as a very unfriendly environment to the LGBT community and their allies. Kluwe’s post was really damning towards special teams coach Mike Priefer. The franchise said they would investigate.

Earlier this week, the Vikings apparently told Kluwe and his legal team that the team would not be publicly releasing any of their report. On Friday, Kluwe answered back via Twitter and this saga will only keep on going straight into Training Camp and probably into the 2014 season. It is really the Vikings fault this time.

Throw out any way you feel about the LGBT community, so you can think about this issue clearly. Let’s strip it down to bare bones:

Player posts article saying the Vikings did something bad, Vikings say they’ll investigate that something, Vikings investigate, investigation takes a long time, investigation is finished and Vikings say they’ll not release anything.

Doesn’t that seem sketchy?

It sure seems sketchy to me.

By not releasing anything, the Vikings make it seem like they have something to hide. I don’t know if they do and the only people who know that answer right now are probably in Winter Park trying to put a fire extinguisher to this PR fire.

Let’s put this into an everyday situation. Ever ask someone to look up the price of something for you and then they say something to the tune of ‘oh, you don’t want to know’? You know why they didn’t tell you? They didn’t want to disappoint you. The Vikings are making this look like you, me and the rest of the public do not want to know what’s going on in Winter Park.

The Vikings don’t have that luxury. No one in any of the major sports has that luxury, no less an NFL team, nonetheless the NFL team in a town that loves said NFL team way more than any of the other pro teams and college squads.

It’s such a horrible PR move by not releasing anything. Maybe the Vikings found out something that they are not proud of, but it needs to be heard. This report might force the Vikings into doing things that they don’t want to do, but doing things that are not wanted is a much better alternative to having a franchise that will no longer be trusted.

Welcome Back, My Favorite, Garth Brooks

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Growing up I had two songs that I vividly remember loving and blasting out of our stereo. Naturally, one came from my dad’s favorite musical act and the other came from my mom’s. One was ‘If You’re Gonna Play In Texas (You Gotta Have A Fiddle In The Band)’ by Alabama, the other one was ‘Friends In Low Places’ by a man named Garth Brooks. I chose one of these two to be my favorite musical act and that artist fully came out of a halftime retirement today.

Garth Brooks is the reason that I love country music and more than likely the reason I love music as a whole. Everyone has, or at least I hope they do, an artist that they can connect to on some weird high level. I feel I’ve had that with multiple artists, but never for so long and as profound as Garth Brooks.

Music always connects itself with a memory. When you hear a certain song you are instantly zapped right back to the date and time when something major went down while that song was in the background. I have those same feelings with Garth Brooks albums. Not just singles, but when I think about a whole damn collection I am brought back in time.

Double Live? Dear Lord, I remember my mom picking me up from daycare and presenting to me a two-CD set of Garth Brooks music. I remember being fascinated by the multiple covers Garth had and that the one that mom picked up had the flags of all the nations Garth had visited on his world tour. I thought that was so cool.

Scarecrow?  New albums usually drop on a Tuesday and back then Mom still bowled on Tuesday nights, I was in bed already by the time she got home so I woke up early the next morning to listen to Garth’s latest endeavor while eating breakfast. The first line in the album is ‘I can hear the highway calling…’ which sure sounds a lot like ‘I can hear the highway, Collin…’ which was pretty awesome to a 13-year-old.

Skipping ahead to his latest release of Blame It All On My Roots: Five Decades of Influences, I went to work early that day so I could swing through Wal-Mart so I could play songs from it on the radio that afternoon. I kept the receipt in my wallet for months because I was still shocked how cheap the thing was.

I could go on and on about Garth, because I’m really just happy to have him back. I loved Garth ever since I can remember, but I’ll admit that I didn’t always claim him as my favorite artist. It was weird too. It’s hard to explain to people that your favorite artist is going to come back, but not for ten years or so. I had love affairs with The Beatles and Eric Church and Bruce Springsteen and I love them all still very much, but the man, my man, is back.

It’s expected In November that Garth will release his first new material that ships to every store since 2001’s Scarecrow and I’ll be there to get it. I counted down the days until Eric Church’s The Outsiders, I got Springsteen’s High Hopes the day it came out, but I hope I can get some sleep between now and November. Garth can’t come fast enough.

Welcome back, Garth Brooks AKA my favorite artist.

You Can’t Fix Stupid: Man Attempts $10 Million Lawsuit For Falling Asleep At Yankees Game

Ron White said it best when he said that you can’t fix stupid. Stupidity runs rampant when you look at all the different warning labels that now need to be placed on every single item that is ever produced. If you look hard enough I’m sure there’s a TV somewhere that says you can’t eat it and it had to be put there because someone somewhere had to try to take a bite out of their Vizio. That’s the society we live in.

Our society is also lawsuit happy. If you look at someone the wrong way today, you might get served papers. Or if you talk about a fan that was sleeping at a Yankees game, you might get sued for $10 million.

Yep. This fan, Andrew Robert Rector, was sleeping at the April 13th Boston Red Sox – New York Yankees game, ESPN cameras caught him, the announcers did a little verbal jousting, MLB put it up on YouTube and now Rector is suing every damn party involved for $10 million dollars due to an ‘unending verbal crusade’.

I don’t know where to begin. This whole endeavor baffles me to no end. Let’s start here:

Some bozo went to law school and accepted this case. Someone with a degree came to the conclusion that they could beat the powers of ESPN and MLB in court on a case where a guy fell asleep at a baseball game. Good luck, buddy.

Let’s go to the guy that fell asleep. You paid good money, they tell me it’s a lot of money to get into Yankees Stadium, and you fell asleep. That’s on you. You don’t think anyone is going to see that you are asleep? It’s a Yankees game, in the biggest city in the nation, on one of the most watched TV networks, on the biggest night for TV viewing. I’d be more impressed if no one caught you.

Here’s the big problem I have: $10 million.

I get it. People are stupid and will slap you with a lawsuit for stupid things like this, but nobody’s, NOBODY’S, reputation is worth $10 million dollars. I could say the most horrible things about anyone from Miley Cyrus to the President of the United States and neither of them would win a $10 million settlement. No judge would ever allow that.

Andrew Robert Rector, ESPN pointing out your falling asleep did nothing to you. Sure, your friends and your cousins called you and called you a dummy for falling asleep at the Yankees game. Maybe the cute girl in your building saw it and kind of giggled the next time she saw you, maybe, but that’s it.

This chapter in your life did not keep you from getting a job. It did not hinder you from walking down the streets of New York. It did not hinder you from living your life. Frankly, this lawsuit is making your life worse. If you ever apply for a new job, your new potential employer will google your name and it will pop up that you tried to get $10 million from falling asleep at a baseball game.

I’m sorry if this just adds to the ‘unending verbal crusade’, but I think if Ron White was here he’d say something to the effect of… ‘Sue me.’

True Beauty: Two Years After Grandma

Two years ago yesterday I was sitting in the, for the lack of a better word, lobby of a church in Hutchinson. The church was packed with all the lives that the mother of my best friend had touched in her all too short life. She touched so many people that we couldn’t all fit in the sanctuary of the church. That still amazes me to this day.

This was the first funeral I attended in my consciousness. I know I attended my great grandpa’s funeral, but I barely remember him no less do I remember his funeral. I had a good run. I made it through high school, freshly graduated from it, without much death touching me.

I looked it up today. Cherri’s funeral started at 11 A.M. on what was a Thursday two years ago. My life got a bigger shake in a little over 30 hours later.

I don’t remember what I did earlier in the day on June 22, 2012, but I remember everything vividly or not at all from 7:00 until I somehow fell asleep. I remember that this was the first day since graduation 20 days prior that I wasn’t with a different best friend who just happened to be a girl. I was just going to sit at home at watch the Twins game peacefully. I remember not knowing where my parents were, it was seven o’clock and Mom wasn’t even home. It was weird, but I didn’t worry too much.

I remember peeling myself off the couch around 7:10 when I had to get up to answer the ringing phone. I remember the TV displaying the ‘Scouting Report’ of Homer Bailey, the Cincinnati Reds pitcher the Twins were facing that night, when I answered the phone.

The voice on the other end of the line said he was a sheriff or officer or something of whatever county Richmond is in. Instantly, a million things run through your head. He asked me if I was Kurt, my dad, so I knew it wasn’t anything to do with my parents. He then said something to the tune of ‘Come quick. Your grandmother’s not doing well.’

I think the line went dead after that. Maybe I just blacked out with fear. I don’t know. The next thing I remember is shaking like I’ve never shaken before, praying to God that my dad would pick up his cellphone. He answered and had to receive one of the most surreal calls a guy can ever get. I said something like grandma’s not doing well and I had to *69 the house phone to get the number of the county official that had just called, so Dad could truly find out what was going on. He was trying to calm me down while I could barely repeat the phone number I heard.

By the time I got to town, Dad was gone. It’s about an hour drive to our cabin, where Grandma and Grandpa were, but I’m sure Dad was basically pulling into the driveway at the cabin when I got to Buffalo Lake, a ten minute drive. My family was flipping burgers at the bar for the Relay for Life team and looking back I can’t believe how great of a country song could come out of the story that a majority of our family found out that my grandma had passed away while they were at the bar.

Our family eventually ended up at Grandpa and Grandma’s house, all of us just sitting in the living room waiting for my dad and grandpa to arrive. I remember lying on the floor right next to Grandma’s chair like I did when I was little, so like six years prior or maybe even earlier that day.  We sat there for a long time just talking and talking. The next thing I remember is Grandpa and Dad coming through the door. I had a direct view, too. Where I was on the floor had a front row seat to the front door.

My Grandpa was bawling. It’s the appropriate reaction when you lose your wife, but I can’t recall him ever crying like that before. I’ve seen him tear up a million times, he did every time I did something of any sort on a stage, but this was different. These weren’t happy tears of me being Happy the Hound Dog in a grade school Christmas play.

The family eventually departed into our three different branches and one of the brothers stayed to keep Grandpa company through the night. When I got home, I stayed up for hours and I did one thing. I grabbed my acoustic guitar and I played The Beatles’ ‘Let It Be’ probably 20 times in a row. I’d known it was a beautiful song, but it didn’t hit me until that night how beautiful and to point it was.

I can’t remember much after that. The next day I did the fuel run for the trucks which is a couple hour jaunt around the area filling the refer trailers of Kottke Trucking. I knew I couldn’t stand being alone with my thoughts so my best friend who just happened to be a girl went with me. All I remember from the day is that it took me a half-hour before we completed the run to tell my best friend who just happened to be a girl to put on her sunglasses to help her with the after effects of a solid Stewart Fest Friday night.

Days get twisted up from there. I had to go through a two-day orientation at the University of Minnesota in the next days. Three of us from our high school were carpooling to Minneapolis. One was my best friend who just lost his mother. That had to be a weird car ride for our other friend who hadn’t lost anyone to our knowledge in the last couple of weeks.

I don’t remember orientation. Virtually all I remember is sitting in Coffman Memorial Union calling my mom and asking how things were going on back home. Somewhere during this time I wrote what I read in front of our church during the funeral service. I wonder what those in my orientation group thought of me. I was dragging myself around and only three other people in the city of Minneapolis knew why.

I remember the family visitation at the funeral home. It was a day short of being  a week after her death and I remember thinking that this was probably the longest I had gone without seeing her other than where her and Grandpa went south during the winter. I remember people crying. I remember the funeral home people being way too f**king nice. Just let me mourn for Christ’s sake.

We got out of the funeral home and went over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house again. We all out in the yard, me and my cousins were playing catch in the street because in small town’s life sometimes can resemble what you see in the movies. I remember my Uncle Kory asking me if I wanted a beer and saying, ‘After what we’ve been through, I think you can have one.’

The public visitation sucked. She’d been gone a week, it finally really started to set in that she was gone and I didn’t really want to deal with people. I stood there shaking the hands of people I didn’t know and didn’t care about. I gave hugs to the ones that I actually cared about. I remember trying to find any excuse to get out of the family handshake line. Eventually I did and snuck up to the balcony of our church. I looked down at this church I had spent countless hours in and I prayed. I truly prayed.

I will admit that I am not the most religious man in the world. I’m far from it. I could do a lot better, but in that moment I prayed. I had prayed before, but it never was anything ground breaking. This was hardcore praying.

Hours later I’m back in that same ol’ church. Grandma’s casket is in the back of the church and either mom or dad asked me if I wanted to see Grandma. I hadn’t cried since she died. In the back of that church I realized that I would never see her face again. I didn’t cry. I bawled.

Bawled is an understatement.

I had barely been to a funeral before. Now we were going to burry one of my best friends in the world. This lady and I had spent a lot of time together. I was ‘Buddy’. I was her ‘Buddy’.

We followed that casket into the sanctuary. The congregation sang ‘Amazing Grace’ and I just tried to stop crying. I remember reading whatever I wrote. I remember looking out at the sea of people in the room that’s designed to look like the bottom of a ship. I could have filled that ship up with my tears. I saw faces of loved ones and I powered on, I did what I could do to best memorialize this woman that had given me so much.

I remember getting complimented on my writing after the service. I said thanks, but felt guilty that this kind of thing came so naturally to me. If I know what I’m writing about it doesn’t take me anytime at all to get it to paper. I knew a whole lot about how much my grandma loved me and my family.

I remember watching that casket go in the ground. I remember how six feet looks a whole lot more daunting when you’re over six foot tall so to the bottom of that hole from the top of your head is a twelve foot drop. I remember the feeling of being stabbed in the chest as she was lowered. This was all two years ago.

Time is a weird thing. Some days it feels like it just happened yesterday. Some days it feels like it was a half a lifetime ago. All I know is that my grandma has witnessed a whole lot of life up in heaven instead of down here on earth.

I write this as I sit and play church services on the radio. Grandma was gone before I ever said my first words on the radio. I’m enrolled at the University of River Falls – Wisconsin. She left when I thought that the University of Minnesota was the best place for me to be. My cousin Kaitlyn has a car now. Grandma was driving her and my other cousins to swimming lessons not that long ago.

A few of us were at the cabin where she died yesterday. I stood there and couldn’t help, but think about her. There are flowers everywhere up there, basically an extension of her backyard in Buffalo Lake, but with a lakefront view.

As a family we’ve made a concerted effort to get to the cabin more often than we did before. I don’t think any of us have said why, but I think it’s because we know that’s where she would be if she was still here. She would be here messing with her flowers and making some weird kind of hot dish in the kitchen.

I’d give a lot to hear her say, ‘Hi, Buddy’ once again. I can still hear it perfectly in my mind. I really want to take one of those walks we’d take around Buffalo Lake. I want to talk to the woman that taught me how to ride a bike now that I’ve really grown up.

Two years ago, I was a teenage boy high on life, going off to college and just excited as hell that a girl would actually kiss me. Two years later, I’ve grown up a little bit. Two years from now, I’ll be graduated from college and doing God knows what…

I remember helping my grandma decorate the bar in Cedar Mills for my Uncle Kyle’s wedding reception. Right then I decided I wanted flowers out of my grandma’s garden at my wedding if I ever convinced a nice girl that I was worth dealing with on a daily basis. At the moment I thought Grandma’s flowers were the most beautiful things that I had ever seen. I was wrong.

The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen is the love that she gave us all. To Buffalo Lake to her flowers to her family. Her love… that’s true beauty.

California Chrome’s Owner Needs To Learn A Lesson In Timing

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Timing is everything. Everything from picking the right moment to ask a girl out to hitting traffic during your commute to filing your taxes, timing simply matters. Timing is a lesson that Steve Coburn has apparently never learned.

Coburn is a co-owner of California Chrome, the racehorse that finished fourth in an attempt to complete horse racing’s Triple Crown at the Belmont on Saturday, and took the wrong time to air out his gripes with how horse racing is run or more specifically what horses run when.

Right after California Chrome failed to complete the great feat, Coburn said that it wasn’t fair that his horse had to run against horses that didn’t have the same strenuous schedule.

I thought he (California Chrome) was gaining ground, but he didn’t have anything apparently. He’s been in three big races. These other horses set one out (or both) and it’s not fair for the horses who are in it from Day 1.

It’s all or nothing. It’s not fair to these horses that are running their guts out. This is a cowards’ way out. If you’ve got a horse that earns points that run in the Kentucky Derby, those horses should be the only ones who should run in all three races.

Saturday’s winner, Tonalist, did not run in the Kentucky Derby or the Preakness.

I think Coburn is right, to an extent, but he went about this all wrong. We don’t look too kindly upon poor losers and playing the ‘not fair’ card just moments after losing alienates a lot of people.

Horse racing would benefit greatly if the same horses ran all three of the Triple Crown races. The familiarity draws people in and by the time the Belmont comes around the ordinary Joe would have his own favorite horse running in the race.

I won’t pretend like I know what’s good for horses, I barely know what’s good for humans, but if a horse is physically able to run in all three of the races, they should run all three races. NASCAR wouldn’t have the same pizazz if Jimmie Johnson raced all year to get to the championship and then right when the last race came around somehow Travis Kvapil took it away from him. That isn’t quite fair.

Professional athletes, yes, these horses and jockeys are professional athletes, should never play the ‘fair’ card. For the most part, pros get paid way too much and get things handed to them on a silver platter for anything in their life to not be ‘fair’, especially the owner of a race horse. I think what Coburn was trying to say is that it isn’t right.

Just like it wasn’t right to give these comments right after losing. These comments are valid to a degree, but at a later date. This makes a great 60 Minutes or Outside the Lines report in a couple months from now, not a couple minutes after the race.

The time may have run out too on Coburn’s credibility. Coburn was still hot on the topic on Sunday morning and compared the fresh horses going against California Chrome to him playing basketball against a kid in a wheel chair. There’s never a good time for that analogy.

Six minutes later, you look like a jackass who is a sore loser. Sixty days later, you might come off a little bitter, but at least people might take you seriously. You simply have to pick your spots, because timing is everything.