NBA Christmas Jerseys Reminder of a Fifth Grade Tirade

Nobody has ever confused me with the fashion police. I feel like I have style, but then I see what some members of the opposite gender are attracted to and I can’t quite figure out where I stand. Welcome to the struggles of being an introverted male in the 21st century.

Despite my fluidity in my own fashion game, I do know that the new NBA Christmas uniforms are just asking for trouble. These new uniforms have sleeves, a new fad in the NBA that I find myself being okay with, but they also have the team logo on the front of the jersey and that is it. No number.

In fifth grade, our basketball team had uniforms with a remarkably hideous logo on the front with the only inkling of a number being on the back. I, a pudgy easily-tempered fifth grader, tried to make this work to my advantage.

Before the game, our coach got on us rascals after we found ourselves complaining to the referees the game before. “The next person to complain with a ref will be sitting right next to me,” coach said.

Just moments into the game, I hack some kid going up for a shot. The refree is trying to see my number, so I keep spinning around and around and around so the ref can’t see my number. This goes on for a lot longer than it probably should have until the ref asks, “What’s your number, son?”

I turn my back to the ref and with as much attitude as I could give I throw my arms over my shoulders and point to a huge with 2-6 on my back. Then I started walking towards the bench, there’s no way I wasn’t being benched after that theatric performance.

Our bench was on a stage on this court, so everyone could see the picture. From left to right, it went me, 10 chairs, a handful of reserves and my uncle. Did I mention my uncle was our coach?

The first guy to go complain to the refs after being told not to was the coach’s own nephew. I listened real well back then.

Thankfully, my anger issues have subsided and I no longer can scream at refs while being on the playing surface, but I will never be able to look at these huge logoed jerseys and not think about what happened when a bunch of fifth graders wore the same thing.